Thursday, April 07, 2016

Anxiety. Yes, I want to talk about it in this post. If you want to know what anxiety is, Google with the keyword anxiety disorder. I want to share with you guys about my anxiety. I am not a doctor or psychologist. I am a patient and a victim.

Me, Winny. 23 years old. I have anxiety disorder. 

I just realise that I have anxiety maybe 2-4 years ago, I don't know exactly when but pretty sure campus time. How do I know that I have anxiety order? To be honest, it's from youtuber from London, Zoella. I never aware or care about my mental health until I realise it's getting worst and the more responsibility that I have to face. Did I see a doctor or psychologist? The answer is no. But how come that I can assume that I have anxiety order? After I watched that video I searched on google more than 5 articles about anxiety, all the symptoms, the other stories about anxiety, samples and I, yes, I have anxiety disorder.

I cried. I didn't know what to do. It's a mental health. It can be healed not by drugs or medicine but it's from your own mind and soul. My anxiety level I think it's pretty worst. If there's so much to think and I don't talk it out and or complicated that myself are the only one who can understand yourself and hoping there's mind reader can see our mind, I will hit my head to wall over and over again (so far no blood comes out and just don't) and I will talk like nothing happened, didn't remember what I just did or talked like I lost my consciousness and after that I got so sleepy want to sleep so bad. I wake up I had a headache and I just realise that I just hit the highest stage of my anxiety. If I am in "that" stage, please order or command or drag me to bed so I have to sleep and I wake up and realise all of it.

Did my parents and my friends know about this? No. It's kinda pretty lame to tell that I have worst anxiety but today, I want to share with you guys maybe you are the one of my friend. Anxiety is not a cool as you think you are. It's really killing you slowly. Promised me you won't.

I want to be positive all the time not being so pessimistic, negative thinker, over thinker for everything happens like literally every single thing. It is really dangerous you can be a crazy person and you won't let that happens, right? If you are a woman and you same with me having anxiety the worst time is when we're on period. The thing that you shouldn't think about you think it anyway and it might be getting deeper than you thought. If you know what I mean.

After I found out that I am having anxiety disorder, one by one, my mind is open. I got this anxiety started from elementary school age. How come? How can I get this disorder?  One of the cause is my parent. They really love me, spoil me and very care for me. They didn't-allow-me type of parent. You know what I mean rite? If I want to have a sleepover they didn't allow me. If I want to go to mall by myself they didn't allow me. And they told me, you must think the worst first. You have to think what if it's worst. And they formed me with that thought until today and they didn't realise that makes me having anxiety.

Present time, whatever I did, I always think more than twice and further that I should. Sample, if I post this post, people will know me. Should I post? If I share with my friends, they will read it and share to their other friends? What if company looking for my background and found out that I have anxiety disorder. Will they hire me? They won't hire a staff that having a mental issues. And so on and so on and so on.

So how can I handle this my anxiety? How can I survive until now? What will you do if the anxiety attack you? My tips:

  1. Find an empty space, be alone for couple minutes. Take a deep breath. And after that smile. A simple trick but works. Even you are upset but if you force yourself to smile. It can chill you a lil bit.
  2. If you can not be alone for a moment, me personal put earphone play calm music. I use an app called Muji relaxation. It's really work for me. Close your eyes and hear the sound of water. I find the sound of water really calms me down. You can listen on spotify playlist. Finally, Indonesia!
  3. Talk it out with your mom. My mom is the best listener and gift the very best advice. But please do not rely on your mom everytime. You can choose your friends if you want to. Stranger, weird and creepy but trust me you just need to talk it out. Not need their opinion or whatsoever because you just need some believe from them. Is that makes sense? Well for me. Because I already know what will I choose or do but I just need some conviction their trust.
  4. Writing. Yup, write whatever you want to. Write everything let the paper know. And after that you can read it or you can delete. Put on a trash. No need to worry anymore.
  5. Light the aromatic candle. Lights off. Breathe. 
  6. Singing. 
You can find your own method. But for me that all can heal me from my anxiety attack. 

Somehow, I am proud that I have anxiety because I can think one step ahead from the others. You already know what's going to happens next and what's the worst case would happen to you. But don't use it too much. Because it can kill you slowly. 

Just do it. Think later. I have anxiety disorder but now I can handle to myself. 

Love and cheers, 

Angella Winny 

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