I'm Getting Weaker

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Last Friday, I fainted. Again. It was lunch time, I walked to Citos to buy lunch. Not eating in there because I wanted to take away. From my office to Citos is around 500 meters or so and I walked in the midday, the sun shines very bright and I don’t wear umbrella or something to cover my head. And I was fainted after I came back to the office and reached the 4th floor of the building. Luckily there’s a sofa, luckily there’s no one to watch me fainted. But sadly, no one knows or helped me that I was fainted.

This is the very first time that I passed out and I was alone. I directly chatted my mom, just two words “aku pingsan” means “I fainted” my mom phoned me after couple minutes. That's the very first time I heard my mom very panicked. I cried. I don't know why I cried maybe I was feeling alone and no one helped me that time. And after that day until now, I really feel unhealthy and uncomfortable with my body. I’m getting weaker. Physically and mentally.

After the accident, I can’t stand any longer or walk farther and the most hated part is I can’t move fast. I should take a slow step for whatever I’m doing. Like, I can’t stand straight from sit or squat. It gave me dizzy and give me mini heart attack / blacked-out. I can’t take stairs even it’s just one floor because afterwards my heart beats very fast. I know it’s because the lack of work out and uncontrollably food that I ate. It’s because of myself to let my body that way. And I'm getting fatter, I can feel it.

What should I do now? 

Love and cheers,

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